05.09_How time flies

This year , I’m 20 years old which makes me feel time goes by so quickly . Last year , I thought there would be some significant changes of my attitude towards the life , the flowing of time finally proved me wrong . Nothing special happened in my life . It makes me a little sad which seems like a person who lived on the earth , did nothing amazing and died not worth a penny .

What really strikes my mind is the fact that I’ve spent 20 years of my lifetime up to now . It did pass twenty years , but I have no meaningful feelings for the past . So I’m starting thinking what is the most regrettable thing in my last ten years ? If I can travel in the past with a time machine , which thing will I make it done attentively ? As a matter of fact , nobody has the second chance to live his past life again . I also can’t bring my present life back to the time when I was just in my ten years old . The only thing that I can make a idea is planning the future .

So there’s other questions appear : which kind of life do I want to live in the next ten years ? If I were already at the age of 30 , what things would I dream to make it more perfect in my twenties ? What achievements should I make when I’m thirty years old ? Where and who am I then ? How about the relationship goes on between my parents and I ? With these questions coming up , I become so unsatisfied with my daily doing that there must be some changes in my life . It’s quite eager and vital for me to examine my heart carefully , because I has found the reason why I get more anxious about the flow of time through this way . Even if having been lived on the blue planet for almost 20 years , I still don’t know what I am living for , or what I really long for ? And it’s all of a sudden that I’m already 20 years old , which compels me to make a difference seriously . So I indeed need a change .

To think about this question : how many decades will we have ? The answer for me perhaps is five , six or seven . Both seven and six are too bold for me to live such a long time , so I think five suits me more , that is to say there are only five decades left , I will live up to seventy years old and then die . It’s really a horrible news for me who is just a teenager now . So I need to change something of my life to make my short life worth a living . The source which troubles me a lot is that I didn’t cherish my time , but my time is limited , so I have to make use of every single minute to live a meaningful life .

Live a meaningful life ? It sounds like a farmer who works on his farm day in and day out until he dies in the fairy tale . It seems easy to achieve the goal , because it just needs time and to do something repeatedly . Maybe I can treat my study likes the farmer treats his work , but it doesn’t mean work and study is the whole part of my life . In reality , everyone has his or her own definition about how to live a meaningful life though it’s always easy to say , hard to do . Whatever happens in the future , the responsibilities of living only will be held by ourselves .

All in a word , the life I want to live is more wise , content and peaceful , less unknown , nervous or complicated . After having writing so many words and reflecting on my past life , I find that one of the most important things I can’t wait to do anymore is to change myself on my own initiative , instead of being changed by other people outside or by time cruelly .

Unless one man who is striving changes his mind , life won’t be wonderful.

-于2019.05.09